Just to make a new [funny/weird] topic.

I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.

Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.

Some people say "If you can't beat them, join them". I say "If you can't beat them, beat them", because they will be expecting you to join them, so you will have the element of surprise.

Crowded elevators smell different to midgets.

The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.

ok... for rest of this bullsh1t check:
http://www.onelinerz.net/top-100-funny-one-liners/

those are great!

Kids Are Quick
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TEACHER:Maria, go to the map and find North America .
MARIA:Here it is.
TEACHER: Correct.Now class, who discovered America?
CLASS:Maria.

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TEACHER:Glenn, how do you spell'crocodile?'
GLENN:K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L'
TEACHER:No,that's wrong
GLENN:Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.

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TEACHER:Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD:H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER:What are you talking about?
DONALD:Yesterday you said it's H to O.
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TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
WINNIE: Me!
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TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
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TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with 'I.'
MILLIE: I is..
TEACHER: No, Millie..... Always say, 'I am.'
MILLIE: All right...'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.'
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TEACHER:George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand.
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TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON:No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.
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TEACHER:Clyde, your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly thesame as your brother's. Did you copy his?
CLYDE:No, sir. It's the same dog.
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TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD:A teacher.
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And also this one. The video's in german, but don't worry, anyone can guess what the guy is talking about



Poor sad ginger man :/

These are pretty epic. Look forward to reading more.

Zverca wrote:Kids Are Quick
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TEACHER:Maria, go to the map and find North America .
MARIA:Here it is.
TEACHER: Correct.Now class, who discovered America?
CLASS:Maria.

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I DISCOVERED AMERICA! XD

Zverca wrote:Kids Are Quick

TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD:A teacher.
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That one is epic xD